


Philophobia

by tbhkindasad



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anorexia, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Drugs, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Homophobia, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Insomnia, M/M, Manipulation, Manipulative Relationship, Mental Health Issues, Mentioned TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Minecraft, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, References to Drugs, Sexual Assault, Social Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:22:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28550820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tbhkindasad/pseuds/tbhkindasad
Summary: Philophobia is an overwhelming and unreasonable fear of falling in love, beyond just a typical apprehensiveness about it. The phobia is so intense that it interferes with your lifePistanthrophobia is a phobia of getting hurt by someone in a romantic relationship. As a result of the trauma, a person with this phobia possesses a fear of getting hurt again and avoids being in another relationship as a way to guard against future similar painful experiences.(this book is inspired by another fanfic i read, but i can't remember the name of it)
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	1. where it all began

**Author's Note:**

> please go to the bottom of the chapter or look in the tags to see all of the triggers that will be included in this book as i would not like to risk triggering anybody.

george was never really sure how he felt about physical and romantic relationships, having never been in one and only recently come out as gay, luckily his fans and friends were really supportive and accepted him with no questions asked, all of them saying 'we saw it coming' or that 'we been knew' although george wasnt sure how he felt about _that_ , he was greatful to have such understanding and welcoming people in his life.

not long ago george had been out shopping for some clothes when he met this guy named noah, they were about the same age, he was tall, handsome, georges type. noah seemed to also take a liking to george too, soon they traded phone numbers and started to get to know each other, exchanging messages everyday and shortly after started going on dates. after a while george finally decided to tell two of his closest friends, nick, also known as sapnap, and clay, who was known as dream, about noah. they were a little skeptical about the guy at first, but after seeing how happy he made george they eventually started to like him a little more. _it was perfect_.

in no time george and noah started dating, they were both happy and comfortable in the relationship, noah also teaching george about couples and what they do together, george came to the conclusion that it was just like being best friends, but more affectionate and you spent a little more time together.

george started spending more time around noah, practically living together, only going to his own house to record or stream, sapnap and dream didnt seem to mind that they were spending less time with george either, except the few times where george had to cancel on them because he had plans with noah and he had double booked on accident, they started to get a little pissed that george never canceled on noah instead of them for once, but never brought it up.

everything was going great for george, he had a loving reletionship with someone that he liked, and noah was the perfect boyfriend too.

it was like that until george noticed that the more time he'd spend around noah, the more noah would pick on him for little things, but maybe that was just him getting comfortable around george, and george wasnt the one to judge. 

"you shouldnt be on your phone so much" noah said, gaining geroges attention from the other side of the room. george looked up at his boyfriend with a puzzled look. "no wonder youre so weird, you never socialize." he said harshly, causing george to sit up a little and tense.

george would never usually take offence to this, but hearing it from noah made his heart ache a little. noah wasnt usually like this.. he was usually kind and super charming, so this was a little shocking to george. "huh...?" 

"im joking.. jeez dont take everything so seriously" he replied in a mocking tone, leaving george almost speechless. "youre always so sensitive" he said walking out of the livingroom and into his bedroom. 

in time it started to get worse, but george didnt bring it up, feeling like noah was only just opening up to him and showing george this side of him and george wanted to show that noah he liked him, no matter his personality once he got comfortable around george. 

george looked down at his phone when he felt it vibrate in his hand, seeing a notification from dream pop up on his screen. 'still down for today?' dream sent, he replied a quick 'yeah :)' and then closed his phone again, he looked up to see noah standing infront of him, holding out his hand, george looked at him confused. "your phone" is all noah said, reching forward to grab the phone and when george retracted it away from him, he got visibly angry. "george" he spat "give me your phone." he spat.

"why?" george asked, looking up at the man towering over him. 

"because i said so. anyways, you wont need it, youre coming with me to hang out with some friends for a couple of hours" noah said, quickly grabbing georges phone and shoving it in his pocket. 

"b-but i promised dream that i would stream with him and sapnap today-" he protested against him, feeling very small in that moment. 

"please george.." noah pleaded, squatting down to be at eye level with george. "i just want to spend time with my boyfriend, are you really going to take that away from me?" he asked, looking george in the eyes. george looked down, instantly feeling guilty.

"n-no.. im sorry, ill go with you.." george said with a sigh, looking back up at noah, who was smiling now. 

"thank you, it really means alot.. ill give you your phone back when we get home, i want to spend time with _you_ , not you and your phone" he said, standing up and walking back into his bedroom, not even seconds later coming back with one of his hoodies, throwing it to george, who caught it and looked at it. "wear it, itll make you lo- less cold" he said, cutting himself off in the middle of hi sentence. 

"o-okey" george stuttered, quickly pulling the hoodie over himself. noah was much bigger than him, causing the sleeves to be longer than his arms and the bottom going down to his thighs, hiding his figure. it was definitely going to keep him warm. 

"cmon, lets go" noah said, reaching out his hand for george, who quickly accepted and grabbed his hand. they reached noahs car and they both got in, george sitting in the passenger seat and noah obviously being the one driving. "hey" noah said, glancing over at george, then looking back at the road. "dont embarrass me" he said.

 _is he... embarrassing?_ he pondered, looking over at noah. he slowly nodded in response, then turned his head to look out of the window beside him, trying to keep his mind off of _things._

they soon made it to the place they were supposed to hang out, george looked around as he got out of the car, playing with the bottom of the sleeves of the jumper. "where are we?" george asked slowly, grabbing noahs hand and lightly squeezing it, it looked like an old abandoned playground that hadnt been used in years... kind of creepy. 

"this is the park i used to come to when i was younger, i havent been here in ages..." he said, also looking around. "there they are" he said, pointing towards three men, who looked around their age, sat on a bench. they slowly approached the men, georges anxiety growing with each step they took. once they were close enough for the men to notice them they all looked over at george, their eyes looking like they were examining his features with unreadable expressions. soon they all looked at noah, them all slowly starting to grin. "hey pass two beers" noah said, letting go of georges hand to grab the beers. 

"o-oh i dont want a beer" george said hesitantly, trying to make a good first impression on noahs friend. 

"its not for you dumbass" noah laughed, making his friends laugh too, causing george to mentally frown at everyone laughing _at_ him, but proceeded to act as if it didnt bother him. george forced a smile as he looked up at them, noah and him finally taking a seat at the bench. "this is will, james, and lucas" noah said, eventually introducing them. george greeted them with a 'happy' "hello!" and they all smiled awkwardly at him.

george slowly shrunk into his seat, wrapping his arms around himself. they all continued to talk, paying no notice to him. 

an hour had passed and george was starting to feel tired, his eyes feeling heavy and he slowly started nodding off, only to be brought back to reality by a voice. "dont go to fucking sleep" noah said to him, causing him to open his eyes and sit up a little.

"i-im tired" he said quietly, whiping his eyes on his sleeve to try and keep himself awake.

"i dont care. im not carrying your fatass back to the car and then into the apartment. youre way too heavy" noah said, george sat up straight. _did he just call him fat?_ everyone laughed a little at georges reaction. all he wanted to do was go home and talk to nick and clay, even if he was tired, he'd stay up to talk to those two. 

"i wasnt going to say anything noah but since you brought it up, you really did draw the short straw this time, didnt you?" lucas said, giving george a dirty look, which made him want to crumble up right there and then. everyone else started laughing, including noah. 

"i guess.." noah laughed, then looked over at george, he suddenly stops laughing. "fine, you want to go home that badly then we'll go home." he said, his voice sounding angry and harsh, george then felt noah grab his wrist and stand up, causing him to too. "since george is being a moody bitch we'll be going home" noah said to his friends before saying goodbye to them and then dragging george towards the car aggressively. once they got in the car noah looked at george, pissed. "i hope youre happy." he said, george looked at him, avoiding eye contact. "i just wanted to hang out with my friends, but youre being fucking selfish." he spat, grabbing georges wrist once more. "youre not having your phone back today. youll see that being a selfish bitch has consequences" he said and lets go of georges hand. george kept his eyes down the entire time, on the verge of tears. 

they drove to noahs house in silence, and when they got there they went into the apartment in silence. george contemplated saying something or at least apologize, but he chose against it, deciding that if he were to say anything else noah would just get more angry at him. "go to bed" he said codly, george thought about dream and how he just ditched him for noah.. 

"c-can i please have my phone..?" he asked hesitantly. "just for a minuet! i need to apologize to dream for dit-" george was cut off by noah. 

"why? why would you have to apologize for wanting to hang out with your boyfriend?" he paused, waiting for georges response, but carried on when he didnt receive one. "he doesnt sound like a very good friend, and i dont think i want you talking to people like that.. all i want is whats best for you george" he said, _his mood changed pretty quickly_ george thought to himself. "now, youre tired, go to sleep" he said, george slowly nodded and walked into noahs bedroom, and got ready for bed. 

_he just wants whats best for him.. yeah, hes just helping george become the best person he can be... and george values noahs judgment and opinion_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings:
> 
> physical/emotional abuse, eating disorders, homophobia, abusive relationships, drug use/abuse, alcohol abuse, manipulation, anorexia, anxiety, depression, graphic depictions of violence, rape/non-con, sexual asult, suicidal thoughts, sizeism/fat shaming, suicide/suicide attempt
> 
> DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY ANY OF THESE SUBJECTS


	2. george?

george woke up in the warm embrace of his partner, he looked behind him and smiled softly, almost forgetting the events of yesterday. he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, taking in this moment as it was happening. he almost fell back asleep before he felt noah shuffle behind him. 

"morning" noah mumbled in his deep morning voice, george sat up and stretched his arms out with a enthusiastic 

"good morning!" noah sat up also, getting out of bed and heading straight into the bathroom. he's probably just tired. george reached over to the nightstand for his phone before remembering what happened the night before, his stomach sunk. when noah came back from the bathroom george slowly got out of bed and tip-toed over to him. "n-noah... can i please have my phone back?" he asked, instantly regretting it when noah looked at him with an angry stare. 

"sure, but only for five minuets" george was shocked, but happy at the same time, noah reached into his pocket and handed george his phone, then walking into the livingroom, leaving george in the bedroom. he turned on his phone to see 10 missed calls from sapnap and 31 from dream, followed by 43 texts, guilt rested in his stomach, he walked over to the bed and sat down, reading through the most recent messages.

'george?' 

'where are you? we're supposed to stream' 

'george please answer me' 

'istg if you ditched us again...' 

'sapnap is pissed'

'this is the seventh time this month'

'just.. call me back when you see these' 

george exhaled a breath he hadnt even realized he held as he hit the 'call' button, it rang about three times before he picked up. "george!? oh my god..." dream huffed. 

"i-im really sorry- its just noah wanted me to meet his friends and he-" george was cut off by a sigh. 

"of course he did..." dream said quietly. 

"what?" george asked, not knowing if he heard him correctly.

"nothing... look george, sapnap is pissed, he was really excited about streaming because we hadn't talked in a while, and then you go and blow us off again" dream said, his voice eventually getting louder by the end of hiss sentence. 

"dream.. i c-can stream with you guys today?" george said, it sounding more of a question that a statement. 

dream sighed again. "promise?" he asked, his voice quiet again, there was silence for a couple seconds. 

"i promise" george said confidently, looking down at his hands, he was pretty sure noah had work today. 

"okey, ill call sapnap, message me when youre ready" dream said before hanging up. george turned around quickly when when he heard a noise behind him, it was noah. 

"ive got to go to work, ill see you later" he said, grabbing a hoodie. "oh, and george.. don't eat anything while im gone" noah said, which confused him. 

"what? why?" he asked, shoving his phone into his pocket, hoping noah would forget about it, which was proven to be successful. 

"because youre getting fat and i dont think you should be eating as much as you do anymore" georges heart stopped. did he just call him fat? no.... he must of not heard him right... he definitely didnt just call him fat. 

"w-what?" george stuttered, looking up into noahs eyes. 

"dont make it a big deal, just dont eat anything, it'll be better for you" he said, turning around and leaving the room without another word. george was stunned and surprised, he'd never been called fat before... he thought he was pretty skinny and healthy. george heard the front door close and he just stood there for a second.. he slowly walked into the kitchen and looked in the mirror, lifting up noahs hoodie and looking at his stomach, he frowned to himself. he gasped when he heard his phone ringing, he took it out and answered it, not being surprised by the voice at the other side. 

"hey big man!" the voice rang through the phone, george dropped the hoodie and rolled his eyes. 

"what do you want tommy?" george groaned, deciding to start heading to his house. 

"just wanted to see if you was alive since you havent posted in a while" he 'yelled' "oh im streaming by the way" he said, george nodded to himself with a sigh. "so.. how are ya?" he asked. 

"im fine tommy, i was just about to head home, ill be on the smp later so ill talk to you then" george reassured. 

"youre heading home? OH DOES LITTLE GOGY HAVE A BOYFRI-" tommy was cut off by george hanging up on him, he quickly grabbed some stuff and started driving home, feeling quite excited to talk to sapnap and dream properly again and forget about what noah said to him. 

when george arrived home he headed straight to his pc and turned it on, sitting down and opening discord. he saw that sapnap and dream were in a call together, he joined and pulled his headset on and dragged him mic closer to himself. "h-hey" george stuttered.

"george!" sapnap yelled. "dream is trying to kill me!" he cried out, then the sound of dreams laugh filled the air. 

"sapnp~ came here..." dream sang, dragging out the last word. sapnap cried out again. "oh george, sapnap is streaming, are you going to stream today?" he asked, and sapnap finally shut up. 

"uhm...." 

'youre getting fat' 

noahs words played over in his head. did he really want anyone to see him? he could just not use him face cam.. but people would get suspicious... and he didnt want to have to deal with the questions, from both his friends or fans. 

"orge- george??" george looked up at the bright screens infront of him, the flashing colors hurting his eyes for a second, he hadn't realized he'd zoned out. he hadn't realized he'd been hyperventilating. 

"w-what?" he was breathing heavily, but he damn right wasn't about to have a panic attack whilst sapnap was streaming, not infront of his friends.

"george? are you okey" dream asked, concern lacing his words. 

"i-im fine.. j-just need a d-drink" he said between deep breathes. he quickly muted his mic and deafened, when he finally undeafened after calming down there was silence. 

"did you get water?" sapnap asked, george nodded before remembering they couldn't see him. 

"y-yeah.. im good now" he said, forcing a smile onto his face.

"okey..." dream uttered, sounding unsure. "lets play some minecraft then. 

they had been playing for around two hours, the room was filled with laughs, along with tommy yelling at the three to shut up and the screams of sapnap as george and dream ganged up on him, stealing all of his stuff, technoblade soon joined the call, making his signature orphan jokes. after another hour they had stopped streaming and got off of the game, now all just talking to eachother. 

they did that often, just sitting on call for hours, not playing video games, just enjoying eachother. the fun was short lived though, when george heard his front door slam open, shocking the two boys he was on call with, and himself. "are you getting robbed?!" sapnap asked, his voice sounded worried for george. 

"george, why weren't you at my house when i got home?" noah yelled, george abruptly muted and defened. noah slammed through the door. 

"s-sorry! i just had to make it up to d-dream and s-sapnap!" george stuttered, turning around in his chair quickly. 

"you haven't eaten anything have you?" noah asked, his voice sounding spiteful. george shook his head. but noah didn't seem to belive him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really bad at filler chapters, but i swear its going to get good. also, i got twitter so if any of you would like to follow me and stuff i'd really appreciate it :) its the same as my user on here (tbhkindasad)

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warnings:
> 
> physical/emotional abuse, eating disorders, homophobia, abusive relationships, drug use/abuse, alcohol abuse, manipulation, anorexia, anxiety, depression, graphic depictions of violence, rape/non-con, sexual asult, suicidal thoughts, sizeism/fat shaming, suicide/suicide attempt
> 
> DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY ANY OF THESE SUBJECTS


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